Earlier today (or yesterday, or whatever you call it), while stalking some of my dream contacts for my dream future career in the field of interior design, I learned of a woman called "Becka Diamond".

This biddy is a "student, actress, stylist, photographer and sometimes DJ" and she's been called Girl of the Month and It-Girl and similar such things by various trifling fashion "publications".

I'm sorry-I'm being grumpy, it's just that...I hate this girl. First off, I hate her outfits. I mean I don't hate them specifically from an aesthetic standpoint, I just hate that *that's* what the "industry" is pretending qualifies this Professional ADHD sufferer (come on, who among us *can't* put all of her "careers" under our own list of careers?) as the newest It Girl. Frankly, they're not that special (the outfits, that is). They're cute and all but...really? That's our newest It Girl?

Second off, I hate her. I hate her stupid face and her stupid grumpy expression in EVERY photograph. It just reminds me of my recent trip to India. My mother hails from what you may know as the technological capital of the world, Bangalore, but my father grew up in a small farming village on the border of Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh. We spent most of our trip in Bangalore, but made sure to have one requisite day in the village.

They had phone connections now. And stoves. And Big Ass Flat Screens. But many were barefoot. And only the men interacted with me. To be fair, it was only men I saw for a conversable period of time. They were all sitting around-for several hours, almost the whole day really-just doing nothing. Eating something every now and then. Cracking jokes. Drinking coffee over and over and over. And that was about it.

Where were all the women? Oh, they were toiling on the farms.

In some cases a man was with them, telling them what to do, but in all cases they were doing the heavy lifting (literally *and* so to speak). When I inquired about this, I was told that they would also come home and do the cooking. And discipline the children. And wash the clothes-so so many clothes-if you drive along any highway in India the most frequent repetition you'll find will be women scrubbing away at clothing. Along rivers, against rocks, you can bet that any man's doing-nothing garb will be CLEAN. After all this, I can only presume that they toil in the bedroom at night. I call it toiling rather than sex because when a wife is basically just a slave I hardly count anything she does as "consenting". It's all work. It's all pain.

(Why were the men drinking coffee all day? If you must be a lazy asshole with an addiction, at least have it be to drugs or alcohol. I drink coffee all day to be PRODUCTIVE...)

Without delving too deeply into this horrifying livelihood that's true for way more citizens of the world than I can bear to think about, I'll share my last observation about these women: they all had a fucking harsh scowl on their face. Every last one of them. Even the young girls of age 12 and 13-though I'm sure many of the "older looking" women were just young girls heavily aged by the inappropriate share of work allotted to them.

While the little kids played gleefully, I wondered at what point in a little girl's life did she stop smiling, get those permanent sadness/anger creases, the unspoken marks of womanhood in the village. As much as I hated every moment there, as grumpy as *I* was, the minute I saw these chicks, I gave them the biggest smile I could muster. I hated when people would do this to me in my younger brooding days-boys would come up and just say SMILE! and I'd resent myself for smiling just to get them away from me. But, still, as though they were crying children and I just wanted them to laugh, their misery was that palpable to me that I put my own visible grumpiness aside (which is quite a task for me to do-I'm *really* spoiled) and tried to garner a happy-if forced-reaction from them. They served me a full dinner, sweets and that thing I grew to hate just because of how much men drank it without needing it: coffee, and acted with utmost politeness. But they did not smile.

Now, Becka Diamond certainly has no wrinkles, but she's working that perma-scowl like nobody's business. Like she knows anything about the life of someone who would have an etched-on state of misery.

From her, to Mary Kate, to Taylor Momsen, to images in female magazines that aren't Cosmo: looking miserable seems to be the easiest way for photographers/models/subjects to fake depth. Rather than honestly trying to capture a beautiful/mystifying moment, or trying to truly be unique and awe-inspiring in one's own personal style, we just accessorize with a jerk-off look and hope to trick people into thinking we really mean what we're wearing, and we're really wearing what we're feeling.

It's hard to believe that the fashion photographer who launched Kate Moss' career, Corinne Day, who died 4 days ago, did so 20 years ago with exactly the opposite ideology of the fashion world we're now entrenched in. Sure, the change came about while Day was still working; but it's fascinating to look at how Kate was brought to public back in July 1990. Fresh faced, pure, happy to a point we *never* see in fashion photography nowadays: nose crinkling with uncontrollable giggles, carefree, abundant, joyous.

I'll be the first to admit: I used to love looking like an 1800's tin type before my trip to India also. But just as my edges of my lips tipped upwards upon seeing the parade of grimaces in the village that day, my outlook on life jerked in a different direction. I just...truly have nothing to be so unrelentingly fucking sad about.

I am serious. And I have a lot on my mind, but I'll let the world know by actually saying it, not dourly tattooing it on my face.

Not just sexist. You know, idiotically sexist, where the offender's first affliction is stupidity, and his second one is being a sexist prick. And while it's true that all sexism (or racism, or any offensive "ism") is rooted in stupidity, there are some forms of sexism and racism that are uncontrollable, or are stopped once identified...ones that we study and are fascinated by, using them to understand one another and ourselves in a greater capacity.

But this sexism is just straight-up stupid, contributing nothing to society except ammo for the arsenals of similarly idiotic sexists the world over. Even if you like that beat, and you (OK, I) scream along with it while driving when it comes on the radio, there is something about some music that is just not right, and here are five examples of how, what, and why.

What You Got

Colby O'Donis' Message: Ayo girl, why you always tawkin' about whatchyu got?! You know ya so hot you don't even have to open your dainty little mouth! That's not what it's there for (hehehe-HIGH FIVE BRO!)... But for real, who cares about what you have, or what you want to have. Those things are just things, they're materialistic, they have no intrinsic value, just an imaginary one, and therefore dedicating your life to that ish is hella shallow, biddy. There's no less attractive feature than shallowness, and that's precisely why you should drop it as one of your characteristics-what's the point of a female's existence if not to attract a good man, who-only because you're hot-will teach you how not to be shallow, like him!
Why He's A Moron: Dumb guys the world over are constantly looking to invalidate and trivialize anything and everything that women talk about-and this just gives them security that their redonkulous mission is worthwhile. Just the other day I saw a friend's status update questioning why women compliment one another, how fake they all are and how they only do it to feel better about *themselves*. How much of a prick do you have to be to use women complimenting OTHER WOMEN (doesn't even have to do with you, guy!) to undermine their existence as friendly, social humans. In one inquiry dude wrote them off as only doing it cuz deep down all women hate themselves, and they're all just looking for validation, which can't come in the form of other women complimenting them, or in the form of having beautiful things, it can only come from us, men! Silly creatures, just stand their looking hot and we'll take care of the rest!

Thanks but no thanks, bro.

Love The Way You Lie

Eminem's Message: Mannnnn, our relationship is so up and down, Kim. First I'm mad controlling and obsessive, and you keep trying to leave but I then beat you into submission. Good times. Oh! And oh yeah-you love it, so it's OK.
Why He's A Moron: When Em first came out I didn't believe his music was sexist. I still know every word of his first two albums which I memorized in my middle school glory ten years ago; at the time I misinterpreted his blatant hatred for all women as simply being his anger towards one woman. It wasn't actually about a man obsessively trying to own a woman, it was one partner in a relationship being pissed at the other partner, I thought. I understood that in middle school. Who hasn't had a heartbreak that made you wish you could kill the person who did it to you? Or at least hurt them as bad as they hurt you.

But it's been 11 years since that first hurt came about. It's been 2 marriages and divorces from the same woman. It's been multiple songs and a two bona fide movie stars-Brittany Murphy and Megan Fox-portraying her on film. And you're still not over it? *Cue Mariah voice* That's called being dangerously obsessive and controlling. To write this awful song, 11 years later, about a woman who loves to burn, and say it's based on your relationship with Kim-a woman who apparently loves to get far away from you-is sexist, and delusional. And it's excusing all your past violence. And having Rihanna on it is sickening, and implicitly excuses another man's past violence as well.

Still, I can't help but love Em. He's so talented, and I know he's a smart guy. But dude failed 9th grade thrice before he dropped out. It's thereby reasonable to say he has the maturity of a middle schooler, and that's perhaps why we all warmly keep him on a pedestal-dude understood our middle school anger when no one else did. But I've since grown up, and I can see the message of this song is fucked up (to say the least). Because of his past fans' adoration, a new crop of young fans are respecting these messages (Which were likely put out to ensure his continued success since his comeback, it worked in the past so why not do it again? His first two albums were brilliant but he has a penchant for being quite formulaic-I always thought that's why he and Mariah would have made the perfect couple.) It's not artistically worthwhile, and it's a total sell-out move. You may as well have put out a song with T-Pain on the hook-at least that would only hurt our ears.

Daughters

John Mayer's Message: Mannnn chicks are so messed up. It must be cuz of their fathers. Hey fathers, can you please do a better job? I'd really like to be able to bang this chick without getting an earful later on, thanks. Oh yeah, and moms, she keeps bringing you up in her unreasonable female rant sessions. So seriously, for the sake of boners everywhere: be good parents. That's the only reason.
Why He's A Moron: Maybe if you didn't have the creepy line "Girls become lovers who turn into mothers," this song wouldn't be the most gag-inducing song the world has ever seen. Besides the fact that the girls you date are probably just messed up because THEY'RE DATING YOU (whether it's whatever caused them to want to date you, or just being around you that makes them messed up is up for debate), no father or mother will be good to their daughters if it will lead to you banging them. Ever. Dumbass.

Beamer Benz or Bentley

Lloyd Banks' Message: Mannnnn I'm so hot and bad-ass, I got so much money in my pocket. That's why you should bang me. Oh, I make no mention of giving you that money, in fact it seems that I've spent all that money on nice cars which I'll use to take you home, where you'll be gang banged and then sent on your way! I'm so fly.
Why He's A Moron: I remember hip-hop back in the day: Biggie and Jay-Z would flaunt their sexism, Jay paying chicks madddddd money to be with him (and accept his sleeping around); and B.I.G. spending mad dough on elaborate parties, so chicks be writing letters that they miss him. All their sexism relied on the notion that women were gold diggers. But at least both those rappers admitted that they needed and loved women in their lives, and because of their respective ugliness, money was the only initial attractor on their side. At least, coming from the hoods that they boasted about, it was likely that those chicks, not unlike the rappers themselves, would do anything for money.

Now hip-hop is riding the outline of that pimp motif, without any of its innards that made it somewhat palatable to its more civil, pimp-free consumer base. "I don't handcuff you could get the whole damn crew," as though it's a favor to us?! I don't deny that sometimes the idea of having sex with several different men is hot-but not one after another, with not one of them presumably looking out for my pleasure. A guy can't get it up ten times in a night, so how could a woman? Just because we don't have boners, doesn't mean getting turned on doesn't work the same way, the same amount of times, in one night.

We've all seen (OK, maybe just I have) pornos where girls get the whole damn crew, and it's never the beautiful vision of multiple-guy-on-one-girl sex it is in our (OK, my) fantasies. What Lloyd playfully offers the girl is a ride in a nice car to a gang-rape. No girl wants that, but will this song make girls feel they need to want that in order to get fly guys? The song's pretty fuckin' stupid, but young, hormonal teenagers can be stupider.

Baby By Me

50 Cent's Message: I will bend over backwards (so to speak) to please you sexually. I will give you the world. I will be the perfect lover and man to you. And oh yeah, my stupid ass chorus: have a baby by me baby be a millionaire.
Why He's A Moron: Listening to the song with a hot beat and a sweet sounding hook reminiscent of great 90's RnB, it's hard to call 50 a moron. But it's that one repetition he threw in there, a throwback to original hip-hop sexism, Biggie's "I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby, baby..." and a nod to John Mayer's own disgusting mention of girls he's banging having babies, and relating it to his desire to bang. It's pretty retardedly sexist if you think that all women are good for is a good shag, but it's somehow even dumber if you bring up that other thing they're historically known for: popping out babies like it's nothing.

Regardless of the fact that women have so much more value than that-it's gross! And it's unnecessary! That's the only part of this wonderfully steamy song (when hip-hop is truly sexy, it can take you beyond any other genre of music) that people will remember! Repeating it that way, like it's a mantra for chicks to memorize...*ick*.

Don't ruin a hot track by making your audience imagine you raising a child whose mom you talked publicly about tonguing the ish out of, Fif! COME ON, dude! That's f*ckin' stupid.

What are some other idiotically sexist songs, in your opinion?

This new Katy Perry song sounds like a Death Cab For Cutie sawng if it had a baby with disco-era-Rolling Stones and that baby made out with Kylie Minogue.

 

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